hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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