Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
