I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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