:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
