maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
