what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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