We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
