lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
