playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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