Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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