He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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