What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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