If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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