i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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