Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
