I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
