I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize