I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
