Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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