It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
