So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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