1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i think my cat just said my name.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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