I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
