i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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