I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
false alarm, still single
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
