So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
