My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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