someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
