you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
