i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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