Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
