I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
