so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
