I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
