I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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