sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
