You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
