if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
