I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
