I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
