Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
