and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
