Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
