I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
