Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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