Soap is not a condiment
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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