i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
