Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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