the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
