there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
