you win again, gameday.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
