I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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