When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
