My room smells like vodka and shame
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
