if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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