if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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