SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
