4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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