ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize