just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
