I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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