K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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