i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
