you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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