Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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