I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
