I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
