Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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