Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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