Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
