Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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