someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
