I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
