'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
