Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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