im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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