Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
